this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
