I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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