bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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