just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
