dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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