theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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