My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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