I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
