i would punch a child for taco bell
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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