wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
