does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
