i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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