The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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