im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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