Me. At least after what I've been through.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
