I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
