I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its liver damage thursday
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
