Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
