I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
