apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
