Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
