How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
