you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
