dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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