My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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