So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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