I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
