Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You pole danced in your parka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
