I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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