ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
