Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
