Your face is a jimmy john
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
