so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The adults are the big ones right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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