Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
