he was CRYING into my vagina
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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