yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Panties = found
Randomize
