She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so much tequila, so little girl.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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