Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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