im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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