I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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