I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
