She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
pray to the hookup gods
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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