You can't motorboat a personality
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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