She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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