I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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