sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
