Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
