South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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