I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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