Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
