Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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