I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
