I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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