he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
