I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
