I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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