he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize