I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
