Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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