When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
