So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
