ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
