Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
