who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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