I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
