Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
