just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well you can't waste a boner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
