omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh god the rape fog is back!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
