fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
