I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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