I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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