I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
