Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
