He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
