you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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