My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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